Another Deep Chat

I had planned a relaxing bath today, and I didn’t bring my tablet or phone so I just laid there.. in tonnes of bubbles just thinking. Now, you might be wondering “Why are you even telling us this?” Well not bringing anything to keep me from boredom, I thought..more then I should have.

I thought about myself. My insecurities and how I always wish that things could be different but, I never act on it. 

I thought about how I hated my thighs.

 I thought about how I hated my arms. 

I thought about how I hated my hands.

In thought about how I hated my skin.

I thought all these things just to come to the conclusion I was doing nothing about it, if I hated these things so much then why didn’t I do anything about it? If I wanted them to change then why am I not acting on it?

I’m not scared of people picking on me because of all these things, I’m way more scared of someone not loving me because of it. I thought “If I fix all these things, if I was perfect then someone will love me right?” I don’t want to accept my insecurities, I want to make them something I’m proud to have, but I’m not.I’m not proud of my thighs, arms, hands, skin.. even my height. 

No point in saying I’m fine with them when I’m not, lying to myself and knowing deep down that I want to change.. I do want to change.

It’s just a matter of when will I start that change?

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

What I Do As A Blogger.

Whilst I’m cooking my tea I thought “Why not do another post?” So, hey everyone, it’s A and welcome back to my blog. I’ve wanted to do this post for a while and that is a list of things I do as a blogger that some of you could relate to, so without further or do, let’s get started.

1. Write Posts Off My Phone.

I am pretty sure ALOT of bloggers do this, especially teenage bloggers. I’ve been doing this for 2 years, it is honestly just the easiest way to blog. Easy access, doesn’t take long and simple.

2. Forgetting My Blog.

I sometimes forget about my blog.. I don’t think about it all the time, and it is a big part of my life but sometimes I go to my normal regular life. In no way is blogging normal, it’s normal to me because I’ve been doing it for so long but to others.. not so much.

3. Don’t Check Stats Regularly.

I rarely check my stats, it’s not really important that my blog is doing well.. also I have NO idea how many followers I have.. ill go and check now actually..259 followers. Could be worse.

4. Don’t Really Read Posts.

I feel so bad about this one but I don’t actually read posts regularly. As sad as it sounds, there’s a lot of blogs I follow that I’ve never read even one of their posts. I follow them because they were either reaching a goal and I wanted to help or they are my friends.

That’s all I’ve got because I can’t think of anymore, thanks for reading.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

My Love For Makeup

Hey everyone, it’s A and welcome back to my blog. Today’s post you might find somewhat boring but I just want to talk about my passion for make-up.

I love make-up, experimenting with different looks and seeing what suits me the most. But I also love the SF (special effects) side of things. It’s my most favourite thing to do, just making something look so realistic and so gross.. that it genuinely scares people. Just to clarify, I don’t like to scare people, I like to make things look really realistic.

I rarely post about make-up on here, mainly because I started this blog with lifestyle and don’t really want to change but also because make-up videos are soooo hard to film, the amount of frustration I get trying to make sure it’s in focus and that I’m actually in shot is exhausting. I have been thinking about doing a make-up video again because I’ve been watching make-up videos more then usual with the added mixture of my Ghost Adventures which I am loving.

I will for sure try and tell you how it goes on Twitter (lifeas_a). I have another post going up next week most likely that I have no idea if it’s original but you’ll have to see.

Anyway, I’ll leave you to scrolling through your social medias and or scrolling through blogs.

See you soon.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Ugh, birthday..

Hey everyone, it’s A and welcome back to my blog. It’s currently 2:14am and I’m slightly tired but still awake. I want to talk about something I don’t like that much.. my birthday. I have spoken about this before,I’m pretty sure but I don’t like on the borderline of hate my birthday.

It started when my sister was born on my birthday, which has made me not want a birthday. I’m don’t even share food, so when I was little I hated my sister for being born on my birthday. Also, the fact my parents do absolutely shit for my birthday. You know that parents would get you a present and then a cake and sing happy birthday… na.na… not mine, we get money chucked in our face and that should apparently please us.. also we don’t get a cake.. can’t remember when I got a cake.

And a party? Hahahahahaha. Haven’t had one of those since I was 9.. I’m almost 17 now.

So, I don’t celebrate my birthday it’s not something I want to have.. doesn’t help my sister is counting down the days and it makes me hate her even more.. she’s ran out of days to count now.

You know my hate for new years? Well my birthday is one the same hate scale as that. It’s just not fun anymore.. I know it’s about celebrating your life but what if you hate your life already, can you sense why I don’t want to celebrate it?

There’s many reasons why I hate it, ranging from sharing it to hating my life so much I don’t want to celebrate it.

Ill celebrate others birthdays but not my own, I won’t tell you when it is unless you remember from last year.

Anyways, ill stop complaining now.. it is now 2:30am so I took 16 minutes to write this.. nice. 

See you all soon.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Just A Long Post

Hey everyone, it’s A and welcome back to my blog. I’m surviving off of not that much sleep.. Let’s go back a few days and ill tell you a story.

So, I stayed up all night a few nights ago and fell asleep at 10am and then woke up at 5pm which severely fucked up my sleeping schedule, however I did fall asleep around 4am and woke up at 12pm which put me on not that much sleep.. I had 8 hours sleep.. okay that’s quite a lot of sleep but I was still tired afterwards.

I decided to sleep at a healthier time yesterday night, nope stayed up and fell asleep at 6am and woke up at 10am. That was 4 hours of sleep and somehow I’m still awake.

On a different note, I’ve been wanting to make new friends and talk to more people. Don’t get me wrong, I absolute love the friends I have now and I would never replace them but I’d like to talk to more people so I can call myself “socialable” at least once in my life. However because I’m very very anxious about that sort of thing, it’s hard to do that. But I think blogging friends are the easiest to make, and I have made a lot through my 2 years on here and some I absolutely love.

Also, are you guys getting bored of the design of my blog? I had it changed at the start of the year and I love it but I seen so many bloggers who have recently been changing up their blog themes and its making me want to do it.

Can we also talk about the fact that recently anonymous bloggers have been stepping out and revealing their faces? It’s crazy that recently so many have done that. If you followed my histogram back in March and or April you’d know that I actually have a face and a year and a half to 2 years ago I revealed my face.

I don’t think ill ever do it again on this blog because it sort of ruins the mysterious aspect of my blog, ill keep being anonymous and continue to be as real as I can with my blog. Recently, I’ve been less “intense” if that’s the right word. I’ve not been swearing as much, and the depressing post have been absent for a while so that’s pretty good. My blog is way more chilled out and just steering clear of negativity, it might be the lack of sleep that’s talking but I’m happy with my blog content right now.

Maybe because I’ve stopped continuously thinking that no one likes it and I should just quit, which isn’t the case at all. I’m way happier with myself now than I have been all this year, sure the depressing posts have slowed down and I’m not that hyper as I was. I don’t want to look at a deeper meaning for that because I am not falling into a whole of self pity and endless depression again.

Anyway, I’ve talked long enough. Tell me if you like these long posts or you prefer the shorter ones. I’ll see you all soon.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

New Situations

Hello everyone, it’s A and welcome back to my blog. So.. this is new. I’m actually writing this on my tablet which I’ve never done before, so it’s weird to be writing like this.. I might do this more often.

For my goals this month, I said ill be blogging more so that’s what I’m going to do. Today, I actually want to talk something that I’m always nervous about.. New situations.

I get so nervous with meeting new people, or when people ask to meet over the internet.. I get a sudden rush of anxiety and there actually have been situations I’ve actually wanted to meet the person but because of how socially anxious I get, it doesn’t happen.

But, in September I’m going to go out of my comfort zone, and meet one of my closest friends I’ve never met before. Since we go to the same college, it’s so much easier if we meet in college. Yes, ill be very very nervous but by the time its over I’d be so proud of myself that I stept out my comfort zone and did something I’m scared to do.

I know, it’s scary to go out of your comfort zone but sometimes you just got to jump off the cliff and get that restart on an adventurous life.. because going out of your comfort zone makes life that little bit more fun.

So, my message to you is to, this month do something you’ve been scared to do, whether that’s ask someone out or something big like jumping out of a plane.

After all, you have one life and wouldn’t you want to spend it adventurously?

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Start Of The Month Ramble

Hey, it’s A and welcome back to my blog.
You’ll be happy to know that this post won’t be depressing and you won’t leave contemplating life.. Isn’t that a good thing?

Anyways, its August.. Which means a few things;
1. A long ass month
2. A lot of birthdays
3. The only month I have left before college 😓😭

I will make this month memorable, so I set up a list of what I want to achieve/what I want.
1. I want to get a Morphe palette. They are so raved about and I just want to try it.

2. Get out a little more because I don’t do that quite enough.

3. Decorate my room the way im happy with.

4. Write more posts, because I’ve been lacking recently. And also do a few collabs.

5. And finally, I want to do something way out of my comfort zone. I haven’t decided what yet, but I want to do it in this month.

That’s what I want to do this month, and I’ll update you all in September. Also, if you do want to collab then message me on one of my social medias, ill leave them down below.

Twitter : @lifeas_a
Instagram : @lifeas_ablog

Twitter I am way more active on then my other socials but if you don’t have twitter, I will still see your message.

Anyway, thank you for reading. I’ll see you again soon.

Anonymous blogger,signing out xxx
(P.S – I literally just typed my outro without looking at the keyboard, I have definitely written it a lot)

Healthy Start

So, I’ve been working out.. I know, that’s so unlike me and so out of the ordinary but I was having some health scares that scared me enough I started working out.

I won’t get into the health scares but it was happening for about a week and it really made me want to get my body healthy and strong.
Everyday, I’ve been going for a run and then afterwards I’d workout my arms and legs. As for my eating, haven’t at all started eating healthy because I don’t really know what to eat or where to start.

But working out is going well, I’m not really looking to lose weight because I genuinely don’t think I need it and my weight has been the same for my whole life which I don’t mind.
I do encourage you all to start working out a little a few times a week, it really does improve your health.

Anyways, I’ll see you guys soon.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Posts I Didn’t Finish

If I didn’t have a boring life these posts would be fun and entertaining but no. I’m right now, sat in bed with cramps. Isn’t that just sooo interesting.

Anyway, hello. I was looking through the notes on my phone, a lot of my notes are posts I started to write but gave up on.
So, without further or do, here’s the posts.

1. Heyyy guys! Welcome back to this thing I call a blog. Im sorry if im too sassy and I dont make sense.. Im hyper. I’ve had an Easter egg today.. And that’s a lot of chocolate that my brain can’t handle.

Okay, that not the reason im making a post I wanted to about friendships and relationships because these two things I actually think about more than I should.

Ill talk about them separately then together.

Relationships

The majority of people have been in relationships, and I have serious respect for people who haven’t yet. I’ve been in a fair few and all except one.

2.
Everything goes fucking wrong. My veins say “XII” which is 13. That just proves I’m bad luck.
So, you’re proberly wondering “What the fuck is the point of this post?”
Well, I thought why not make this the most honest post ever.

I used to like my body, I didn’t think anything was wrong until I noticed my arms. I hate my arms. Then I noticed my legs. I hate them. I hate my fucking body. I don’t like having my arms exposed because I feel ugly and stupid.

I don’t eat enough, and when I do it takes me hours to eat. Eating isn’t something I like really.

3.
Hello. Doesn’t life just scare you sometimes? It scares me.. a lot. Im not sure if this post will be a trigger or not.. I will be talking about death, depression and all the things I think about on a daily basis.

I’m quite a mentally unstable person, I’m not happy all the time.. things trigger and then I got into a state of im so depressed and everyone hates and I should just go and cut and die and everyone would be happy then.. I basically just summed up what I think about when im depressed.

However, there are times when im really happy, when you catch me on my good days.. well done because they are getting rare. This depressing stage has like taken over my life (haha..like..shout out to the person who will know why im laughing at that) anywayyy, negative thoughts rule my life and I wish I could just tell it to get the fuck out my life for good. Its like that ex boyfriend who keeps on coming back or ex girlfriend.. us girls do that too… They treat you like utter crap yet you let them back in because they said they’ve changed… Yeah right, you’re just going to fuck up my life even more… I’m not even talking about anyone in particular 😂 .. You all know what I mean..right?

I do want to talk about relationships more at some point because im totally experienced.. Im really not.. I barely know how to tie my shoes let alone know anything about relationships.. I mean, I’ve had relationships but.. I need to shut up and stop changing subject.

Basically what im trying to say is… My mental health screws up my life.. and my arm.. Yes the self harm. I’m seeing two councillors.. None of them help, its just strategy after strategy.
My other councillor is a bit better than the other one. However he gets way more in depth and im not so comfortable with that, it also doesn’t help that one of them basically said “You’re a pretty girl and having scars on your body won’t..

 

 

I’ll stop there, these post I never finished for one reason or another. I’ll speak to you all another time.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

This I Wrote A While Ago..

He doesn’t believe in himself,
She believes.
He thinks so low.
She thinks so highly of him.
He doesn’t want to live.
She only lives for him.

You see, he may feel like this but,
She didn’t leave.
He may not love himself but she loves him. Its more than love. She adores him. She’s in love.

But he can’t see that, he’s swarmed by such negativity. It takes over his live.
She’s there for him, but there isn’t enough.
“I love you’ doesn’t make him smile anymore.
She sees what it’s doing to him, breaking down.
He distances himself from everything, everyone.
Its hurting. But she hasn’t given up. She can’t. She won’t.