Suffering in silence, as I see everyone so happy.
The word “Fine” and “Okay” is all I could say,
but none of it is true.
I’m broken. Hurt. Suffering..
But they think im ‘Fine’.
But im ‘okay’.
So many thoughts.
“Kill yourself you deserve to die”
“Just give up, there’s no point in fighting”
Not one positive thought was present.
I brought myself down everyday, my brain is my worst enemy.
It told me things that hurt me.
“Look at yourself, who would love you?!”
And I listened. I have listened for so long.
I never wanted to tell anyone, but I know I had to.
I thought “Maybe it will go away”
“Its just a phase”
No. It didn’t go away. It stuck.. It is stuck.
What caused me to be this way?
Am I at fault?
What did I do to deserve this pain and suffering?!
All these questions are set in my mind everyday.
One day.. It will get too much.
I won’t be able to get through it.
It will kill me.
The last thought I will have will be my brain telling me to do it.
“Jump” “Do it! it will make it all go away”
And I’ll listen.. Like I always have.
I’ll listen to those thoughts. I’ll listen to the voice in my head.
I won’t say a goodbye to friends and family.
I won’t be suffering anymore. I wont exist..
Please take mental health seriously. It isn’t a joke at all. It’s such a huge killer which im almost certain it will kill me.
I love you all so much, thank you for all the support you have given me.
Anonymous blogger signing out xxx