Ramble

Hey guys, welcome back to my blog! I don’t really have a plan for this post so im just going to ramble on about anything.

So, today has been a bit interesting. I’ve been talking to someone who I rarely talked to in school. He used to sit behind me in English and would always move my chair, I’d get semi annoyed about it. But anyway, he messaged me today and we actually talked for a while about a lot of things, its fair to say I actually enjoyed talking to him. He’s not a bad guy after all.
And then there was this other guy who literally was just lonely and wanted a girlfriend, which I really didn’t want to be his. So, after a while I just ignored his messages and I think he soon got the message I wasn’t interested.

On other news, im not eating meat again. Mainly because of a dream I had which made me so grossed out, it put me off meat all together. So, for the last few days I’ve been eating a bit healthily and of course no meat.

I haven’t been a lot more tidy with my room for like a week. I used to just not be bothered to but anything away but the time I was almost dying because I was standing up all day trying to move my room around and sort it out changed me. I now always back away things when im down and get offended if if sisters but ANYTHING on the floor. Im a lot more organized now.

I also want to change my hair again, but not bullshit ombre thing that I’ve had for years. I want to go a full head of colour, and I’m thinking blue. Like a pastel blue, soon. Possibly soon, ill obviously tell you and show you all if I got it or not.
I’m excited.

The last couple of weeks, I’ve changed a lot. I can gladly say, I haven’t cried in 2 weeks, that’s an achievement for me. My mental health is so much better, I got rid of things that cluttered my mental health, things that I never realised it did until they were gone.
For once I’m actually happy. Sure I’ll have those bad days which I won’t be able to help but overall I’ve become the person I’ve been wishing for months to be.. Happy. A happy person.
I’ve been this sad, depressed person for so long and now proberly temporarily I’m happy. It’s a great feeling.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

I’m Heartless

I’m heartless.
Messed around too many times to care anymore.
Been treated like crap.

But that’s okay but its all my fault. Everything anyone has ever done to me, hurt me in some way is my fault. The breakups, my fault. Once having a heart, my fault. Because I chose to care.

And now, im heartless. And that’s my fault.

Spilling Out All The Shit

WARNING : Extreme shade to a lot of people which will make me look like an asshole because im focusing on the negatives. You also don’t know the full story so don’t judge. Also, I’m proberly becoming a really nasty bitch so I don’t really give a fuck what people say, this is what all the things I’ve been through this year has done to me.

So, this year has been pretty weird and shitty but has helped me learn many things.
I’ve learned to not put effort into other people, because what’s the point they let you down anyway.
Also, to keep emotions in, and keep things to myself because opening up is my biggest regret.
Hey, lets talk about regrets because I’ve done plenty this year.
I regret living, opening up (as I’ve said), giving a fuck about anything, getting help with my mental health (they made it worse).
Basically, I regret everything I’ve done this year.
FUCK YOU 2017!

With all that’s being said, I’ve also learned that cutting my hair was a really great choice. That’s it.
I couldn’t care less about wanting people to like me, I’ve tried to get people to like me but fuck that shit. I’m never showing emotions again, and then maybe my depression will fuck off. That’s just proof I shouldn’t open up.
All I fucking did was cry. About what? Shitty relationships, losing people, how shitty life is.
Seriously, fuck all the shit that life throws at me. Want people to like me? Don’t fucking bother, no one does anyway you piece of shit.

Hey, at least I have my self esteem­čśé Oh you funny fucker.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

My Hair Journey

Hey guys, welcome back to my blog! I wanted to do an update on my hair because I haven’t really talked about it much really.

So, lets go through my hair journey.

If you have been here for a while you know I used to have long ombre hair which was actually great except the long part. My hair grows pretty slow and it look me 4 long years to get it to waist length but in November 2016 I decided to make a big step and cut it. 

It wasn’t as nerve wracking as I thought, except I did freak out afterwards. It is now chest length but my hair is really thick so its a fucking nightmare to do anything with.

Back in the Summer I said I wanted to dye it an un-natural colour in 2017, which I did. It got dyed purple! Well, magenta. It faded to a pink which I didn’t like so I kept on dying (wait sorry colour, my teachers hate me for saying ‘dye it’ because it applies we are killing it. Which bitch, you aren’t exactly making the condition of the hair any better, are you?)

Anyway, it faded to a pink and since January, its been dyed 3 times more. The last time I dyed it was Monday (this was written just over a month ago)

Right now, the condition of my hair isn’t bad at all (ill insert some pictures of the stages I’ve been through).

My long ombre – 

When I got it cut –

The first time I dyed it purple –

When it faded – 

Dyed it again –

When that faded –

And now –

And in better lighting –

And when that faded –

I then got it cut again –

And basically now – 

So that’s my journey, a long journey but I am happy with it now. I definitely can’t hide easily now because my hair is bright which is a downfall but I do still love it.

Anonymous blogger signing out xxx

Update Time

Hey everyone, welcome back to my blog. Update time!

So, what’s new? Well, lets start with the fact that my course is nearly ending. I know I won’t see them ever again which is good and bad but I’ve made a few friends in the course and that’s sad to move on from. But, I am going to another course which I have an interview tomorrow, if you follow me on Twitter you will know that (shameless promo, go follow me @lifeas_a)
Anyway, I’m really nervous and worried about the interview, I told my teacher I was nervous and worried and he thought it was because I wasn’t going to get in… No. I’m nervous because its new people. And people scare me.
I’m sure once its over I’ll think that the build up was way worse then the actual interview. I also haven’t told my mother about it, which I really should. I’ll update you guys on Twitter once it’s done.

In other news, I want to talk about Youtube because I’ve kind of changed who im watching. Just a note, I have watched this people before but not constantly.
So, the first once I’ve been watching more then usual is Lilly Singh (iiSuperwomenii).
Everyone must know her because she is literally amazing. My favourite video is actually her ‘If Youtube were Bollywood’. I’ve actually watched that on repeat.

The other Youtuber I’ve been watching quite a lot is Fouseytube (Yousef). Oh my god. He is actually so fucking amazing. He is.. First of really attractive, and makes entertaining videos.

And then there as the other Youtubers I’ve been watching like;
Liza Koshy
The Gabbie Show
David Dobrik
Simplynaillogical
Tati

Another update is that I got my hair cut again, is now a long bob… HAHA BOB. I will have to at some point explain why im laughing at that. I’ll explain at the end of the post, prepared to weirded out.

Anyway, that’s all for now. Ill see you guys soon.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

(Okay, so why am I laughing at that? Well, its really weird but sometimes (actually quite often) I draw a moustache on and really thick eyebrows and walk around saying “Hi, im Bob and I’m a engineer”.
I’m really weird, okay)

My Mistakes

I’m at a point in life where I just want to say “Fuck it. Fuck you, I don’t care”. Even though, that would be great to just say to everything and everyone.. I can’t. That could cause me to fuck up things more and end in myself getting depressed, which will end my existence as we know it.

If I look back on the times that everyone has fucked me over, of course I’ll feel sad and regretful of letting them in my life. But instead of being the attention seeking bitch that I am, I want to point out all my mistakes and stop being the victim all the time.
So, without further or do, here is mistakes as a human in one post.

1. Caused Arguments
Firstly, I want to start with all the arguments I’ve started. Back when I was a emotionless bag of shit, I do admit I caused A LOT of arguments which resulted in many friendship loses and me realising that I’m the problem here. I let my inconsiderate attitude take over me.

2. Hurting many people.
Over the years, I’ve messed up many times. I’ve not only physically hurt people but emotionally as well. In the past, I have many times walk out of relationships because of one reason or another. I left them hurting bad and didn’t take into consideration their feelings rather then mine. Yep, I’m a piece of shit.

3. Being an total dick.
In the past, I’ve definitely made people feel bad about themselves. That’s properly the most regretful thing I’ve ever done.
Maybe it was my sense of humour taken badly but I still made people feel like crap.

You can change your opinion of me all you want, you can unfollow me, never want to be my friend again, want to put what ever we had to an end but I’m human and I’ve made mistakes. Dont stand there and say you’re perfect and have never done something wrong because that’s not true no matter how good of a person you’re today.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Do Things Now

Start living. Do you want to be remembered as the person who sits around all day, wasting life?
Life is way to short to waste it, doing nothing.
Go out with your friends, travel the world. Stop sitting on your ass and get up.

Just live your life to the fullest, do all the things you want to do. Don’t regret the things you didn’t do.
Seriously do it while you’re young and able to.
You really don’t know when the end and when the end comes you’ll regret not doing the things you really want to do.

I can’t say this enough, do everything now.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Let’s talk about something serious

I do want to warn you now, I’ll be talking about suicide and self harm in this post. So if you’re sensitive to this subject please don’t read.

Hey everyone, I want to talk about something that have caught my attention over the last month or so.

I have a little sister, right now I’m pretty close to her but she’s been heavily bullied by what she apparently calls friends. One of her friends has bullied her called her ‘Fat’ ‘Ugly’ ‘Worthless’ and what made me write this post ‘Kill yourself’. That ‘friend’, I don’t like her, and that friend is also scared of me. So, as a big sister the right thing to do is to go to that person and do something about it, but because I’d rather not have someone shit themselves in front me, I’m not doing that.
That friend, is a family friend’s daughter. This girl I know has self harmed in the past and for that bitch to tell my little sister to kill herself has really pissed me off.
My sister is already so self conscious of her weight and has definitely thought about suicide before.

My little sister has another friend who does deal with depression and has self harmed before. He has been told to kill himself before which he then came home and self harmed because of it.

When will you all fucking learn that the shit you say affects people. Do you think telling someone to kill themself is funny? Do you think it’s clever? Stupid bitch.

IF YOU LEARN ANYTHING FROM THIS, DON’T TELL SOMEONE TO KILL THEMSELF. ITS COMMON SENSE BITCH.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Start Of Something New (High School Musical reference not intended)

Think of someone close to you. Think of what it was like before you met them.
It feels strange to think that someone so important to, you once you didn’t know.

Once they were a stranger. And the people who you once knew are now strangers to you.

It’s crazy how fast people can connect but also how fast people can go. One gone means another beginning, and that beginning is something special.

I want to start a new friendship, I want to become close to the people who were strangers, and that blossom into something great. Start new memories but, never let the others be forgotten.
Let go of the ones I once knew. Im ready to.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Something That Happened

I’m scared of a lot of things. I’m so clumsy that I’m scared to hold anything, I’m not even joking.
I’m scared of people. There could be two people down an aisle and I won’t go down there until they move.

Empty places are my favourite, but I never thought I’d be empty. I never thought that something so insignificant could effect me so much.
I lost one of my most favourite people a few days ago. At the start it didn’t bother me that much but the more the days went by, I started to get more sad. Today I walked around by myself, sat by myself and that made me realised what has happened. I could of been out, laughing, smiling so much my jaw ached. But no, I wasn’t doing any of that.

But with that said, im okay. Sure I’m sad, sure I’m feeling empty but I’m proving that I can live without someone who for many years was my best friend.
I was the one that said goodbye, I chose to let go of a friendship that we thought would last a life time.
We talked about us being 70 and in our wheelchairs talking about the old times.

It’s all so sad and I want to cry, but I know that moving on is my best option.
It’s the end. An end of a friendship. I may cry now but time will pass. And time is a great healer.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx