Read For Weirdness..

I’m actually internally screaming. It just a internally screaming sort of day..wait no, year. Hey, just using my pain as humour.. nothing new here. Which brings me onto this post, a nothing new here special.. which is just every post but we’ll just ignore that.

So, you might be thinking (or not, no one thinks about me..hello darkness my old friend…) so..you might be thinking “A! Why are you so weird in this post?” .. I don’t know. That’s a lie, I do know. I’m usually always like this, the real question is… why aren’t you like this? Uh huh, that’s what I thought. If only my sass showed through typing.. *insert sassiness*             If this is the first post you have seen by me then this is a weird introduction to me.. I should properly introduce myself.. *clears throat*

Hello..Hi..I’m A! Short for Annoymousblog101.. a lot of people call me A, or dickhead.. whatever you prefer. I make too many jokes when I have a lot of my mind.. you don’t want to know how many jokes I have brewing.. I add a pinch of salt and sass to make things extra greater. Anyways, I was introducing myself.. as I said I’m A.. and this is my blog! I know I know, shocker. I didn’t think this was a blog either.. more of a dumping ground for thoughts… ooooo that’s good, let me make that my motto.. ‘Dumping Ground For Thoughts’..I like it! Damn it, I got distracted again! I guess look on my abouts page.. which honestly, I have no idea what’s on their. I think it says I’m 16.. I’m not now.. I’m 17!.. I think.. I literally just had to think of what year I was born 😂.. I swear, right now I’m completely calm, but my brain isn’t at all. This is why you’re getting all this. I should probably..and I’ve completely forgotten what I was going to say.. oh wait.. I was saying I should probably apologise for being like this but I won’t apologise for being myself.. oooo burn. 3rd degree burn, probably should get that checked out.. ha.ha.. if you’ve survived this far then I’m ever y proud and we should talk on Twitter (@lifeas_a) because you can actually deal with all this. 

I’ve talked for wayyy too long, and I’ve become tired.. mentally tired, physically tired..I was really weird in this post.. I’m usually more depressing then this.. that’s not good.
Anyways, see you soon.

Anonymous blogger,signing out xxx

Advertisements

Personal, Boring and Whatever Shit I Have To Say

I might as well just talk about everything in this post, no matter how personal or boring it is. It’s properly about time.

First let’s get what I believe is the boring stuff out the way. I’ve been working out everyday for a while now and it’s been good. Some days are worse then others because it’s like; 90 squats, 30 push ups, 45 second plank.. which I absolutely hate because it’s painful however I’ve done it for over 2 minutes before so it’s not impossible for me to do it for 45 seconds. I have rest days which is literally heaven to me. I don’t see a difference yet physically but mentally I do. I’m sort of at peace with my body issues. I’m not sure if I’ve ever addressed it but if you didn’t know now you know, I just hated how some parts of my body look.. my arms and legs are basically it. I’m working in it with my workouts.

Whilst that’s out the way, might as well get personal. I posted about bottling things which until late hasn’t been an issue. I get mad at myself when I tell people what’s sort of going on, I don’t ever want sympathy. I hate sympathy, don’t give me sympathy. I’ve tried to be one of those really brick walled people, basically show no emotion and be really strong. When I tell people about stuff like mental stuff, I feel weak and then I get mad at myself for opening up. I don’t know, it’s weird yet makes complete sense to me. I’ve opened up wayyy to much this year already and I’m stopping myself from doing that.          

Another thing is, which I’m never said at all before, is that I kind of like someone… before all you and make your predictions.. don’t. Don’t say who you think it is, or ask me if it’s right. Wow, I’m defensive today😂  but seriously, just don’t bother. It will really piss me off. So that’s been on my mind for a while. Let’s just go to a different subject. I’m already getting mad at myself for saying that.. do you see what I mean? Any bit of opening up, I get mad at myself. It’s pathetic. I have issues.. but you have them too. Are those the lyrics? I have no idea 😂

Well, I’ve opened up enough. So.. I’m just going to head to the door. Thank you for being here, and reading this crap. Please also don’t leave sympathy. I really don’t need it.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Mentally Frustrated.. here’s sort of the reason why

Do you ever get so frustrated with yourself, you just start screaming mentally? I’ve been frustrated with myself for about a week, my mind is soo clogged up with thoughts and emotions that everyday I have either cried or sat in self pity. It’s not fun being like this, I feel like someone’s cursed me for something I’ve did wrong and now I’m paying the consequence. It honestly feels like I’m drowning in my own mind, and the thoughts that swim around me are pushing me down even more.

But, I don’t need help. I’m not depressed. I’ve just bottled things up for too long and now it’s getting to me, more then I thought it would. I don’t want people to listen to my problems, even though it might help I would feel so stupid at the fact that I think they would care, and feel so stupid at the fact that I’m crying over something SO dumb. I don’t want to let what I’m feeling out because then I’d get hurt even more.

I’m just hoping it will go away, and I stop thinking about how I’m an idiot for thinking that something could happen, because it won’t. I know it won’t, I can’t hope and pray for something I know I have no shot at. On top of all this, I feel like I’m the dumb ass idiot in my course. I feel like everyone thinks I’m so crap at it, I know that some people in my course talk about me with their friends behind my back.. you do know I hear you laughing, right?

I guess ill just ignore everything until I finally stop feeling that disappointment. I’m okay though, really.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

 

A frustrating post.. for you (sorry)

I can’t keep my personal things in for long, I have this need to just let someone know that this is how I feel. When you think about something everyday it’s a little harder to keep it in, it’s like your brain digging at you to tell, but that conscience is telling you not to.

I don’t know, I’ve had something on my mind for what feels like forever but in actual fact its been about.. a month or two. I’m been very cautious on not to give any clues because I’m not ready to just let it out to anyone, well by not ready I mean it proberly won’t go down well and I’d rather keep it in then let what I think will happen be a reality. And I don’t want anyone telling me that “You don’t know what will happen so take the chance” because I am almost certain that will happen.

This must be a really frustrating post, you literally are not getting anything about what I’m thinking.. I’m sorry but this is literally the closest I’ve let it out my brain. I wouldn’t say I’m scared…okay yeah, I’m scared. It isn’t bad.. it could end bad.. but the whole thing isn’t bad. 

I’ll just let it fade out.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Good Moments In My Life

I’m back with another post ANDDDD I’m super happy again so hopefully this brightens your mood too, if you aren’t feeling that okay today. If you leave here feeling happier then before then I class that as a win.                                                                           How are you? This is a serious question that I’m curious about, I do hope you are doing well.

I should get into this post, I’ve babbled on for long enough.. so, today I actually want to go back to the good moments in my life that I appreciate to this day. Maybe this has happened to you to, some may be silly and some may be serious..who know? I’m unpredictable.

1. When I think of happy moments, my mind suddenly drifts to being at school with my friends. I may have spoken about this before but, me and my friends were really chilled but also kind of crazy. I was really happy and content with where I stood in that group, I didn’t stand out but I also didn’t shy away. I have memories of going to the field in the summer and just playing around in the Sun, either playing football or sitting down and talking with my closest friends. This is also the time me and my best friend started to become closer then ever.

2. This had to be in my good moments, which is starting my blog. It changed my life in the most impactful yet simpest way, I seriously can’t imagine my life without it, I think it would be much more boring. I won’t go to into detail about the friends I’ve made because you all know I love you. 

3. I’ll make this the final one as I don’t want this post too long. As much as I argue with them all, a good moment in my life was when my siblings were born. I’m a really bad sister because I don’t remember any of their younger years except my 7 year old sister because she was the last one. Despite that, I do love them all.. they might make a lot of noise but the house wouldn’t feel right without the noise.

Anyways, I’m all done here. Tell me your good moments in your life because I’m intrigued to know. With that being said, I’m going to go.. see you all soon.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

My Determined Plans + Story

I’d like to talk about something I want to keep as anonymous as possible, as in I will tell a story… I feel like I’m going to 100% regret this. Meh, I’m here and I’m already writing so let’s just carry on.

So, I have noticed something this last year. I’ve had a couple of people kind walk out of my life and every time someone has, someone else has come along and sort of filled that empty void. And, it’s weird because then that person becomes one of my favourite people ever. 

Why am I mentioning this? Well,I have been thinking about my life in general for the last few days. I thought about how every time these people walk out, someone sooo much better comes along. I can happily say I’m in the best phase of my life right now, I have my dream course and I have amazing friends who I’d never want to lose.. the empty void I mentioned is gone. I’m not sad, I’m not depressed.. I’m just happy with life and everything it has to offer.

Next year, I want a gap year. I want to just focus on everything I love, and want to do. I want to completely step out my comfort zone and do what makes me happy. Start my career and start putting myself out there, stop living in the shadows because I’m “too scared”.. and start being a confident individual who can do thinks for myself and not ask others to do it.

This is what I want, and I will get there.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Reacting To Spam #1

Hey everyone, now here’s another reacting post which I have no idea if anyone’s done it before so it might be original.
As a blogger I get ALOT of spam, most of it makes zero sense so I thought “It could make a good post” so that’s what I’m going to do now. 

Let’s just start..

WAIT, I KNOW THAT NOT EVERYONE CAN SEE THE POSTS SO I’LL WRITE THEM OUT..sorry about the cap locks.

Written out spam : ” Lordy, some people do over think things, don’t they? I love LADIES…..Of course they are all women (duh) but the term “ladies” has an implied sweet yet saucy quality that pays respect to these stylish mavens.I’m with the majority here….I like ladies, i don’t mind being called a woman, but think “ma’am” is awful.And I think it’s very kind of you to ask sir”

Okay, so they want to inform me that they don’t like being called ‘ma’ma’.. Is it me or is this just fucking weird? I don’t understand spam 😂

Written out spam : ” Thank you for the great critique. Me and my neighbour were just preparing to do some research about this. We got a book from our location library but I feel I’ve learned far more from this post. I am extremely glad to see such wonderful information being shared freely out there…”

Before, I get into what they said. I didn’t know what post this was on, so I went to have a look and it was a post about how I lost my bestfriend. So now let’s get into the comment..                Again, makes no sense..haha. I have no idea what to say about this.. Wait it says “average car insurance rates”… righttt.

Written out spam : ” I think your hair looks REALLY GOOD! I shot you not!!! And I’m not sure if I’m more in love with the beverage pictured or your hubby who made you such a fabulous meal. awwwwww! That is too cool!! Happy Belated Bday. I’m gonna be 37 in 2 months so you’re quite young in my eyes. xo.

I laughed at this 😂 This is bloggers interview and they talk about my hair, my husband and apparently my belated birthday.. what the actual fuck! 😂 I love spam. By the way : He did a fabulous job…

Okay, that enough spam for one day, I’ll do another one if these another time. For now, I’ll leave you all, see you sooooonn.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Done With It, College and Posts

I had an idea for this post and half way through it, it disappeared and somehow got deleted so scratch that and let’s just talk weird things. My last posts have had some what of a structure to it, I actually HAD a topic to focus on it but now, I’m back to my old ways.

My old ways I like to class as ‘bad’. Bad because I talk nonsense and they just have no meaning to it. Also my constant talking about my mental health in other posts really wasn’t good for it, was it now past A? Surely the best way to stop something is to not talk about it and distract yourself but no, I did the opposite and displayed it to the world. I’m done with talking about it, sure I’ll talk about anxiety but depression I’m done with that.. I just don’t ever want to even mention it from my next post onwards.

On a brighter note, I’m in the course I have been dreaming about. It costs a lot BUT really worth it, the only downside is that I have made zero friends and I literally hang out with NO ONE in college. I feel stupid just walking on my own, but I don’t actually like anyone in my course.. I have friends in other courses that I’d love to hang out with but I’m pretty sure we have different breaks and lunches which just wouldn’t work.. wait, did I say I’d talk about something less sad? Yep, yes I did. I tried.

I don’t really want to bore you anymore, I’m sorry for wasting your time. Maybe go to my other posts for something ‘better’ well better then this.

See you soon.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Reacting To My Old Posts And Pictures

Hello, so you read the title right.. I’m going to be reacting my old posts and photos I’ve posted here. It will for sure be cringey but I don’t regret doing it.. let’s just get started.
I think I want to start with some less cringey things so.. my posts first.

This was really a pointless post, I’m pretty sure at this point I was running out of ideas to do a post everyday. I’m very glad I stopped it because I was getting so bored. When I said I didn’t go downstairs that’s mostly true, I think the reason I kind  of refused to because my brothers girlfriend (ex now) was there and I hated her so much. 

The thing is, I did get it but didn’t do the course. I’m doing it in September though.. it does cost a lot but that’s alright.

Aww the day I had a thought of cutting and dyeing my hair which I actually did. I did cut it and dye it a colour which I thought I would never do.

My passion for Christmas is still the same and I actually remember playing the Christmas music. Christmas without my auntie was so bad, it ended up being like a normal Christmas.

The time I did the world’s shittiest prank. The whole time I was writing this I was trying not to laugh because of how exaggerated I was being and how stupid this was. I soberly won’t do this again because it’s just stupid.

This post makes me wonder if I was hyper, and the wash.rinse.repeat thing made me laugh. If someone found out my blog now I wouldn’t worry too much, I’d definitely get that moment of panic but I wouldn’t cry about it. 

My diet still isn’t the best, I have one meal a day if I remember.. as I said that tummy just rumbled.. anyways, back then my diet consisted of very unhealthy food and no exercise at all.I don’t tweet as much now but I am on Twitter everyday to talk to my friends.

I think ill go onto photos now.. prepare for cringe central..


Aww, my first ‘Monthly Stats’ I have to say that series was just boring, I’d show my progress of my blog and that’s it. It says 15:44 which I believe I just got back from school and 98% is pretty good for me. I never went onto my phone in school because I’m a wimp.


This is properly one of my favourite photos I’ve posted here, I was at the time waiting for my mum to come home and I was in my school uniform so it made me look bigger then I actually am. 


Oh yeah because this is just soo inspirational 😂 what the fuck is this?! Firstly this makes zero sense, secondly it’s just stupid.

Aww 500 likes, that to be at the time was so surreal and now it’s just crazy how far I’ve come. 


If you see at the top you can see my double chin because I was looking down. This braid was this weird ass symbol of a friendship me and my friend had.. Yeah it was stupid but st the time it was.. also stupid.


Kind of love this photo, I don’t like the fact it was taken with my ex boyfriend and his mum and sister. But other then that its a good photo.


This is just shit, I’m sorry but it is. It’s not blended, super patchy but my eyelashes do look long. Such a shame they can barely hold a curl.


I love that hair, it was so cute and pretty. Now it’s the opposite of that. I’d go back to that if I could.


Personally this was pretty cool at the time, my eye looks so bright and not kind of weird too.


I remember screwing up so many times and putting this off but I finally did it and it looks pretty bad still.


I lost this at my aunties house and still haven’t got it back.. and they moved ducking house. I actually sort of liked this and only wore it a few times.

I think this will be it now, it’s a super long post so sorry about that.

See you all soon.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Another Deep Chat

I had planned a relaxing bath today, and I didn’t bring my tablet or phone so I just laid there.. in tonnes of bubbles just thinking. Now, you might be wondering “Why are you even telling us this?” Well not bringing anything to keep me from boredom, I thought..more then I should have.

I thought about myself. My insecurities and how I always wish that things could be different but, I never act on it. 

I thought about how I hated my thighs.

 I thought about how I hated my arms. 

I thought about how I hated my hands.

In thought about how I hated my skin.

I thought all these things just to come to the conclusion I was doing nothing about it, if I hated these things so much then why didn’t I do anything about it? If I wanted them to change then why am I not acting on it?

I’m not scared of people picking on me because of all these things, I’m way more scared of someone not loving me because of it. I thought “If I fix all these things, if I was perfect then someone will love me right?” I don’t want to accept my insecurities, I want to make them something I’m proud to have, but I’m not.I’m not proud of my thighs, arms, hands, skin.. even my height. 

No point in saying I’m fine with them when I’m not, lying to myself and knowing deep down that I want to change.. I do want to change.

It’s just a matter of when will I start that change?

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx