Read For Weirdness..

I’m actually internally screaming. It just a internally screaming sort of day..wait no, year. Hey, just using my pain as humour.. nothing new here. Which brings me onto this post, a nothing new here special.. which is just every post but we’ll just ignore that.

So, you might be thinking (or not, no one thinks about me..hello darkness my old friend…) so..you might be thinking “A! Why are you so weird in this post?” .. I don’t know. That’s a lie, I do know. I’m usually always like this, the real question is… why aren’t you like this? Uh huh, that’s what I thought. If only my sass showed through typing.. *insert sassiness*             If this is the first post you have seen by me then this is a weird introduction to me.. I should properly introduce myself.. *clears throat*

Hello..Hi..I’m A! Short for Annoymousblog101.. a lot of people call me A, or dickhead.. whatever you prefer. I make too many jokes when I have a lot of my mind.. you don’t want to know how many jokes I have brewing.. I add a pinch of salt and sass to make things extra greater. Anyways, I was introducing myself.. as I said I’m A.. and this is my blog! I know I know, shocker. I didn’t think this was a blog either.. more of a dumping ground for thoughts… ooooo that’s good, let me make that my motto.. ‘Dumping Ground For Thoughts’..I like it! Damn it, I got distracted again! I guess look on my abouts page.. which honestly, I have no idea what’s on their. I think it says I’m 16.. I’m not now.. I’m 17!.. I think.. I literally just had to think of what year I was born 😂.. I swear, right now I’m completely calm, but my brain isn’t at all. This is why you’re getting all this. I should probably..and I’ve completely forgotten what I was going to say.. oh wait.. I was saying I should probably apologise for being like this but I won’t apologise for being myself.. oooo burn. 3rd degree burn, probably should get that checked out.. ha.ha.. if you’ve survived this far then I’m ever y proud and we should talk on Twitter (@lifeas_a) because you can actually deal with all this. 

I’ve talked for wayyy too long, and I’ve become tired.. mentally tired, physically tired..I was really weird in this post.. I’m usually more depressing then this.. that’s not good.
Anyways, see you soon.

Anonymous blogger,signing out xxx

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Late Night Talks

It’s pretty late..well it’s nearly 11pm, and I am bored out of my mind so it seemed like a perfect opportunity to write a post. I don’t have a main topic to focus on but a few that I’d like to just talk briefly (probably not).

Right now, I’m the only one that’s up. Both my sisters are asleep, my 15 year old sister hasn’t exactly been sleeping that well so I’m not surprised she’s asleep early.. and my 7 year old sister normally sleeps around this time.

So, life is slightly weird right now. I have so much on my plate right now, except I’m kind of procrastinating it off my plate. But then I remember it will have to be sorted at some point and I can’t leave it there. I’m mainly talking about college.. the assignments are killing me. Also my workout is killing me, my friendships are dying. So everything is dead to me right now.

I’m just very conflicted on things, I don’t feel like everything is happy and full of rainbows and unicorns. I feel like everything is grey, dull and couldn’t be more of a shit pit. I again, hate complaining but I started my blog complaining so ill continue to do it.

One thing I do want to talk about is actually friends. It’s weird right now. I never get to see my best friend anymore because she’s working her ass off everyday and when she does get home, she’s so exhausted. She still messages me everyday and what so I do, show literally no interest in the conversation which can’t make her feel exactly great. I don’t know, I want to see her more but with her working everyday, it’s hard. With college though, I did find a small group of friends but I have VERY little faith that will last because it’s happened before. I’d be friends with someone for a day, it’s going great we’re all laughing and then the next day, I’m back to the beginning. Friends are just weird right now, I don’t talk to much of anyone anymore which I’m not complaining about.. wait yes I am.

I got this though, on a good note. I’m confident. My workout routine has very much increased my self esteem and confidence which is really great. I have been working out intensely for about 2 weeks which is a achievement for me, I kind of hate it though. The sit ups are killing my back, and the plank is slowly tearing away my limbs. 

I don’t regret working out and I will for sure keep it up, it’s just killing me. Imagine having a long day at work, college or school and then doing a workout straight after.. literally sounds like something you’d never want to do right? Once you start and you’ve gotten so far, you have to proceed. I ain’t a quitter.. I might want to but I won’t.

Anyways, I’m going to go. I’m starting to lose the will to live.. I’m actually just starting to get tired. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Mentally Frustrated.. here’s sort of the reason why

Do you ever get so frustrated with yourself, you just start screaming mentally? I’ve been frustrated with myself for about a week, my mind is soo clogged up with thoughts and emotions that everyday I have either cried or sat in self pity. It’s not fun being like this, I feel like someone’s cursed me for something I’ve did wrong and now I’m paying the consequence. It honestly feels like I’m drowning in my own mind, and the thoughts that swim around me are pushing me down even more.

But, I don’t need help. I’m not depressed. I’ve just bottled things up for too long and now it’s getting to me, more then I thought it would. I don’t want people to listen to my problems, even though it might help I would feel so stupid at the fact that I think they would care, and feel so stupid at the fact that I’m crying over something SO dumb. I don’t want to let what I’m feeling out because then I’d get hurt even more.

I’m just hoping it will go away, and I stop thinking about how I’m an idiot for thinking that something could happen, because it won’t. I know it won’t, I can’t hope and pray for something I know I have no shot at. On top of all this, I feel like I’m the dumb ass idiot in my course. I feel like everyone thinks I’m so crap at it, I know that some people in my course talk about me with their friends behind my back.. you do know I hear you laughing, right?

I guess ill just ignore everything until I finally stop feeling that disappointment. I’m okay though, really.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

 

A frustrating post.. for you (sorry)

I can’t keep my personal things in for long, I have this need to just let someone know that this is how I feel. When you think about something everyday it’s a little harder to keep it in, it’s like your brain digging at you to tell, but that conscience is telling you not to.

I don’t know, I’ve had something on my mind for what feels like forever but in actual fact its been about.. a month or two. I’m been very cautious on not to give any clues because I’m not ready to just let it out to anyone, well by not ready I mean it proberly won’t go down well and I’d rather keep it in then let what I think will happen be a reality. And I don’t want anyone telling me that “You don’t know what will happen so take the chance” because I am almost certain that will happen.

This must be a really frustrating post, you literally are not getting anything about what I’m thinking.. I’m sorry but this is literally the closest I’ve let it out my brain. I wouldn’t say I’m scared…okay yeah, I’m scared. It isn’t bad.. it could end bad.. but the whole thing isn’t bad. 

I’ll just let it fade out.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Good Moments In My Life

I’m back with another post ANDDDD I’m super happy again so hopefully this brightens your mood too, if you aren’t feeling that okay today. If you leave here feeling happier then before then I class that as a win.                                                                           How are you? This is a serious question that I’m curious about, I do hope you are doing well.

I should get into this post, I’ve babbled on for long enough.. so, today I actually want to go back to the good moments in my life that I appreciate to this day. Maybe this has happened to you to, some may be silly and some may be serious..who know? I’m unpredictable.

1. When I think of happy moments, my mind suddenly drifts to being at school with my friends. I may have spoken about this before but, me and my friends were really chilled but also kind of crazy. I was really happy and content with where I stood in that group, I didn’t stand out but I also didn’t shy away. I have memories of going to the field in the summer and just playing around in the Sun, either playing football or sitting down and talking with my closest friends. This is also the time me and my best friend started to become closer then ever.

2. This had to be in my good moments, which is starting my blog. It changed my life in the most impactful yet simpest way, I seriously can’t imagine my life without it, I think it would be much more boring. I won’t go to into detail about the friends I’ve made because you all know I love you. 

3. I’ll make this the final one as I don’t want this post too long. As much as I argue with them all, a good moment in my life was when my siblings were born. I’m a really bad sister because I don’t remember any of their younger years except my 7 year old sister because she was the last one. Despite that, I do love them all.. they might make a lot of noise but the house wouldn’t feel right without the noise.

Anyways, I’m all done here. Tell me your good moments in your life because I’m intrigued to know. With that being said, I’m going to go.. see you all soon.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

My Determined Plans + Story

I’d like to talk about something I want to keep as anonymous as possible, as in I will tell a story… I feel like I’m going to 100% regret this. Meh, I’m here and I’m already writing so let’s just carry on.

So, I have noticed something this last year. I’ve had a couple of people kind walk out of my life and every time someone has, someone else has come along and sort of filled that empty void. And, it’s weird because then that person becomes one of my favourite people ever. 

Why am I mentioning this? Well,I have been thinking about my life in general for the last few days. I thought about how every time these people walk out, someone sooo much better comes along. I can happily say I’m in the best phase of my life right now, I have my dream course and I have amazing friends who I’d never want to lose.. the empty void I mentioned is gone. I’m not sad, I’m not depressed.. I’m just happy with life and everything it has to offer.

Next year, I want a gap year. I want to just focus on everything I love, and want to do. I want to completely step out my comfort zone and do what makes me happy. Start my career and start putting myself out there, stop living in the shadows because I’m “too scared”.. and start being a confident individual who can do thinks for myself and not ask others to do it.

This is what I want, and I will get there.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Done With It, College and Posts

I had an idea for this post and half way through it, it disappeared and somehow got deleted so scratch that and let’s just talk weird things. My last posts have had some what of a structure to it, I actually HAD a topic to focus on it but now, I’m back to my old ways.

My old ways I like to class as ‘bad’. Bad because I talk nonsense and they just have no meaning to it. Also my constant talking about my mental health in other posts really wasn’t good for it, was it now past A? Surely the best way to stop something is to not talk about it and distract yourself but no, I did the opposite and displayed it to the world. I’m done with talking about it, sure I’ll talk about anxiety but depression I’m done with that.. I just don’t ever want to even mention it from my next post onwards.

On a brighter note, I’m in the course I have been dreaming about. It costs a lot BUT really worth it, the only downside is that I have made zero friends and I literally hang out with NO ONE in college. I feel stupid just walking on my own, but I don’t actually like anyone in my course.. I have friends in other courses that I’d love to hang out with but I’m pretty sure we have different breaks and lunches which just wouldn’t work.. wait, did I say I’d talk about something less sad? Yep, yes I did. I tried.

I don’t really want to bore you anymore, I’m sorry for wasting your time. Maybe go to my other posts for something ‘better’ well better then this.

See you soon.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

What Happened On Enrolment Day?

Hey everyone, it’s A and I have a storytime for you. So, yesterday was my enrolment day.. If you don’t know what enrolment is, it’s basically a day where you go in to basically fill in forms and get ready for the course. A LOT went on, and overall it was a good and really terrible day. I’ll tell you the story.

For weeks I’ve been terrified for this day, I’m not really sure why but I was mentally scared. I don’t think it showed much on the outside. The day before I’d stayed up all night and woke up really late which made me think there was no way I’d fall asleep but I did.

I set my alarm for 7am so I have enough time to be there, SO I THOUGHT. Let’s get this in mind, I needed to go but also really really didn’t want to.I was going to just skip it all out and not go but I wouldn’t of got a place if I didn’t go, so I forced myself to go. I thought to just start by having a bath to just relax myself from the severe panic I was having. I only went in there at 7:45am because for 45 minutes I was just laying in bed watching YouTube thinking I’d have enough time to do everything..you’ll see why I’m mentioning the time soon. So I got out at about 8am and brushed my teeth and washed my face. 

I then went into my room for make-up, I normally spend so long on my make-up because I like to take my time, by this time it was 8:20am and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to make it in time which I had to be there by 9:15am. I did my make-up and finished at 8:50am and got dressed for about 10 minutes by then it’s 9 and I could find the hair dryer, In was saying to my mum, just refusing to go and didn’t want to go in there late (I’m never late!) Finally I found the hair dryer and dried my hair about 60%. 

I knew I was going to be late which would of not made a good first impression (I’ve already met them but the other people too) By this time I had to get all the paper work and get my coat on and go. I left at the exact time I had to be there why.

I left and hurried to college, I hadn’t been in college for a little bit over 3 months and it was weird.. I saw some other students and tried to block them out. After I got to the corridor I needed to be, I started walking down and say a queue of people where I needed to be.. I went to the queue and just immediately went and hid behind a wall. 

I texted Viola freaking out, luckily she was awake and she tried to calm me down. I kept on looking to see if the line went down and more and more people was coming, I was getting more and more scared. I literally was about to leave but stopped myself, I spent a good 30 minutes just waiting and freaking out until the line went away. Someone asked if I was okay and I stupidly said yes, after a little bit the line went completely down and I slowly made my way to the desk where some forms were being handed out. I told my teacher that I was very scared and she said “Do you want to go into the room?” I said “no” and I then was handed my form and say on a seat outside the room.

I didn’t at all want to look in the room but from the corner of my eye the room was packed and there was no way in hell I was going in there. I then proceed to just fill out the form which she left me there for a good while. Then my other teacher came up to me giving me details on an LA trip in May which I was like “Oh my god.. that’s so cool”. After a while she came to tell me what was happening for the day which was going to the sports hall to get enrolled. I was so scared when I was making my way down there. There was so many people and there was endless queues.                                                                         Now, I hate queues, my teacher knows this so I just was a little bit outside the queue. There was hours of just being in a space with soooo many people. Firstly we had to just make sure everything was good on our forms, but it was held up a bit so there was about 10 minutes of waiting. Then I was directed to another line where our forms were just being put into the system. This was a big line and with ropes so that we were in a limited space which scares me a bit and I can’t just move out of the queue a bit. All I did was wait, once that was over I had to go to the payment thing where I had to pay about £400 for the course, that was pretty simple and then came the dreaded ID photos taken. When I was just about to line up, we were told that it was all taken a bit long so we could go after our photos were taken. 

Now this is where I saw a person I haven’t seen in so long and really didn’t want to see, after that I just left, so so happy with being able to do it and not bailing out. I went home and made pancakes with golden syrup and then went shopping.

Overall, I make it through what I was so terrified of doing. I was proud of myself after and did a little squeal.

Sorry this was such a long post and hopefully it made sense, see you all soon.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Reacting To My Old Posts And Pictures

Hello, so you read the title right.. I’m going to be reacting my old posts and photos I’ve posted here. It will for sure be cringey but I don’t regret doing it.. let’s just get started.
I think I want to start with some less cringey things so.. my posts first.

This was really a pointless post, I’m pretty sure at this point I was running out of ideas to do a post everyday. I’m very glad I stopped it because I was getting so bored. When I said I didn’t go downstairs that’s mostly true, I think the reason I kind  of refused to because my brothers girlfriend (ex now) was there and I hated her so much. 

The thing is, I did get it but didn’t do the course. I’m doing it in September though.. it does cost a lot but that’s alright.

Aww the day I had a thought of cutting and dyeing my hair which I actually did. I did cut it and dye it a colour which I thought I would never do.

My passion for Christmas is still the same and I actually remember playing the Christmas music. Christmas without my auntie was so bad, it ended up being like a normal Christmas.

The time I did the world’s shittiest prank. The whole time I was writing this I was trying not to laugh because of how exaggerated I was being and how stupid this was. I soberly won’t do this again because it’s just stupid.

This post makes me wonder if I was hyper, and the wash.rinse.repeat thing made me laugh. If someone found out my blog now I wouldn’t worry too much, I’d definitely get that moment of panic but I wouldn’t cry about it. 

My diet still isn’t the best, I have one meal a day if I remember.. as I said that tummy just rumbled.. anyways, back then my diet consisted of very unhealthy food and no exercise at all.I don’t tweet as much now but I am on Twitter everyday to talk to my friends.

I think ill go onto photos now.. prepare for cringe central..


Aww, my first ‘Monthly Stats’ I have to say that series was just boring, I’d show my progress of my blog and that’s it. It says 15:44 which I believe I just got back from school and 98% is pretty good for me. I never went onto my phone in school because I’m a wimp.


This is properly one of my favourite photos I’ve posted here, I was at the time waiting for my mum to come home and I was in my school uniform so it made me look bigger then I actually am. 


Oh yeah because this is just soo inspirational 😂 what the fuck is this?! Firstly this makes zero sense, secondly it’s just stupid.

Aww 500 likes, that to be at the time was so surreal and now it’s just crazy how far I’ve come. 


If you see at the top you can see my double chin because I was looking down. This braid was this weird ass symbol of a friendship me and my friend had.. Yeah it was stupid but st the time it was.. also stupid.


Kind of love this photo, I don’t like the fact it was taken with my ex boyfriend and his mum and sister. But other then that its a good photo.


This is just shit, I’m sorry but it is. It’s not blended, super patchy but my eyelashes do look long. Such a shame they can barely hold a curl.


I love that hair, it was so cute and pretty. Now it’s the opposite of that. I’d go back to that if I could.


Personally this was pretty cool at the time, my eye looks so bright and not kind of weird too.


I remember screwing up so many times and putting this off but I finally did it and it looks pretty bad still.


I lost this at my aunties house and still haven’t got it back.. and they moved ducking house. I actually sort of liked this and only wore it a few times.

I think this will be it now, it’s a super long post so sorry about that.

See you all soon.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx

Friendship Tag Ft T

Hey everyone, welcome back to my blog, I have a different post for you all and that is the friendship tag, but with a special guest and that is T (Well duh from the title) anyways, T isn’t actually a blogger but a very good friend of mine.

Without further or do, let’s start this..

Me :How long have we known each other? 

T : Since early June right? I think that’s right.

Me : Yeah you’re right, June 7th.                                                        Do we have any inside jokes?

T : Sweet as, I can’t think of any inside jokes straight off the bat but I’m sure there is some, also really bad jokes are sort of an inside joke for us both.

Me : Yeah we both make really bad jokes, does the wet floor sign thing count as an inside joke? Anyways, next question.. Do you trust each other?

T : What is the wet floor sign thing? My memory is horrendous remember 😂 and yeah, I trust you with the majority of things outside of my immediate personal life and you trust me with a lot of stuff too.

Me: Remember when we first knew each other about how you smacked Sam with a wet floor sign because he asked you to and for a bit I said when you were about to go out “If he gets annoying just slap him with a wet floor sign”. Also, I’d say I trust you with quite a lot of stuff.                                                   Next question :Describe each other in one word.

T : Oh yeah😂I do remember that, I’d say that passes as an inside joke.Ummm that’s quite hard, I’ll let you go first for this one.

Me : I’d say Adventurous because you go out and do crazy things. But then again you’re so lazy as well.

T : Oooo I like adventurous, but if I was to describe myself it would probably be lazy or lonely, either one works. I’d say for you it’s creative, I’m sure there’s better words to describe you but my minds gone blank. Creative because you draw and do a lot of arts and crafts type things, like that thing you done with glitter and your nails. I thought that was so weird and crazy.

Me : Oh yeah, the watermarked thing I did and showed you. Next question, Do we fight?

T : I don’t think we ever have done, I’m 100% sure you’ve wanted to chop my head off before but no, we don’t.

Me : What do you like the most about each other?

T : The fact that you always reply, and their quick. Makes it a lot easier for me even though the same can’t be said for me.

Me : Yeah you don’t reply as fast, but I like I could say anything and you would never judge me. You are very understanding.

T : I am, I like to be open minded about most things and see things from different perspectives, and I don’t like to judge people either really, similar for you though I don’t ever feel judged by you and I do worse things than you.

Me : I think this will be the last one, what do I do that annoys you, vice versa?

Me : One thing that annoys me about you is your replying. Oh my god are you bad at it, but then one time you were out and you did text me from your friends phone saying you’re out which I thought was really nice of you, you could of just texted me when you were home but you didn’t.

T : Hmmm, you don’t really annoy me so this is difficult, and I guess that was nice of me, I think I’ve done that more than once too but most of the time I am genuinely terrible at replying so.

I hope you enjoyed this post, and ill see you soon.

Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx