I had planned a relaxing bath today, and I didn’t bring my tablet or phone so I just laid there.. in tonnes of bubbles just thinking. Now, you might be wondering “Why are you even telling us this?” Well not bringing anything to keep me from boredom, I thought..more then I should have.
I thought about myself. My insecurities and how I always wish that things could be different but, I never act on it.
I thought about how I hated my thighs.
I thought about how I hated my arms.
I thought about how I hated my hands.
In thought about how I hated my skin.
I thought all these things just to come to the conclusion I was doing nothing about it, if I hated these things so much then why didn’t I do anything about it? If I wanted them to change then why am I not acting on it?
I’m not scared of people picking on me because of all these things, I’m way more scared of someone not loving me because of it. I thought “If I fix all these things, if I was perfect then someone will love me right?” I don’t want to accept my insecurities, I want to make them something I’m proud to have, but I’m not.I’m not proud of my thighs, arms, hands, skin.. even my height.
No point in saying I’m fine with them when I’m not, lying to myself and knowing deep down that I want to change.. I do want to change.
It’s just a matter of when will I start that change?
Anonymous blogger, signing out xxx